Losing You
by JJKMagic
Summary: The thought of your presence next to me or the memories vivid like on the first day... almost let me forget I lost you. ZEMYX. YAOI.
1. Missing You

It was a pure accident that I listened to Hyde's "Shallow Sleep" while thinking about this story but honestly it's the perfect song to listen to while reading this story. Look it up on youtube if you have to.

Why it's perfect?

You'll have to read to understand it...

08-22-2010: Sorry! Something totally went wrong! Now you should be able to read the story!

**Warning: Yaoi, Angst and bittersweet memories...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts.

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**Losing You**

I wake up with the thought of a presence next to me but when you, beautiful oceanic blue eyes and from sleep tousled dark blond hair, smile at me I feel cold inside.

I see you jump out of the bed, hurriedly turning to the dresser and searching for your good luck boxers because you know today will be a good day but quickly notice that you can't remember where you put them and ask me in the very moment you see them from the corner of your eye, taking them, laughing about yourself.

I get up, heading for the bathroom immediately and turning on the shower. I think I hear you joking that you'd like to join me but I know you'd never do it because I punished you once for it, ignoring you the whole day.

Leaving the shower, I quickly pull on a plain black shirt and the tight jeans you bought me at our first anniversary. In the corridor I take my bag almost automatically and leave the house…

I still hear you calling for me, wishing me to have a good day and to take care and that I shouldn't dare to come too late for dinner.

X X X

When I return home I'm almost sure I see light in the house and yet my hand moves to the light switch to turn it on. I drop my bag in the corridor. Work had been hell today.

I swear I heard you call from the kitchen when I entered the house and I see you look up immediately when I entered the perfectly prepared dining room.

Your cooking skills are amazing and still today dinner tastes like old bread… but that's my own fault. You smile and chat lively about what you did today but when you laugh I still feel like crying…

You do everything for me, you clear the table and wash the dishes and still I'm totally exhausted when I lie down on the bed you made for me though it still looks dishevelled.

You climb into bed next to me like you always do but I can't feel your breath on my skin, only coldness… I feel so numb.

I can't… I can't fall asleep.

Again, I stand up.

It's summer and still early in the evening, it's not even dark and so I go for a walk. But when I head for the back door, you seem to know what I'm planning.

You grab my hand but you can't stop me from going. "Please Zexy, don't go!"

My body is shaking, it feels so surreal but you refuse to leave the house. You only stare and call with big oceanic blue eyes showing sadness.

It's only a walk, I'll come back, you know but you also know I will keep ignoring you when I do.

X X X

I walk through the small forest behind our house, also passing the tree with the D+Z heart engraved that has been growing with it for almost ten years now.

I walk further, just a few more minutes until I see the tree that used to be our hide-out when we were little because the branches were hanging down to the ground so nobody could see us when we played behind that wall of wood and leaves.

Not too far behind our tree… I get on my knees in front of that lone cold stone…

"Demyx… I'm missing you" I sob, touching the grave oh-so-softly, trailing the letters of your name carved into it.

X X X

It's the thought of your presence next to me that's killing me.

Your smile when I return to bed is what's driving me insane.

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Damn... I cried the whole time writing that...

Kinda scary too, right?

**Well, please leave a review and wait for the next chapter. Yes, there will be a second one, a bit different though...**


	2. Why did You have to go?

Alright... here's the second chapter full of bittersweet memories...

And also thanks to mochiusagi for the review^^ The very first review, I have to add^^

**Warning: Yaoi. Angst.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, just the depressive thoughts that made me write this story.  
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I love everything about you, you know?

X X X

I fell in love with you reading on a small bench in the park, smiling when you saw the small bird that joined you, escaping the burning light of the summer sun beneath the tree that stood right behind that little park bench.

I was full of joy when you blushed like madly when I confessed to you and I felt like dying out of happiness when you said stuttering "I… wouldn't mind going… out with you"

X X X

I love you, sitting alone in the library, nothing able to disturb you lost in thought and still you'd notice me without me announcing my presence.

Even the books of yours are great, I started reading them and understood your fascination for them. I'd have done it only to see you smile at me anyway.

You're always so cute when I surprise you taking a shower. Your embarrassed squeals are enough to get me high.

And your tight pants are amazing because I know you never wear underwear beneath them… I always look forward to the evening when you put them on.

X X X

Oh my God I love your moans in a passionate night, the tight heat of you surrounding me and I adore the way you move on the dance floor, only for me, only with me.

Nothing is more amazing than the way you dress up for me for every anniversary or how you sit for months next to my bed in the hospital, whispering to me even when I sleep. Yes and I feel like squealing when I see how you blush, noticing that I listened the whole time.

You're the greatest person on this planet for the way you treat me, promising me better days whenever I feel down.

And of course I forgive you scolding me whenever I went a little harum-scarum and almost broke my bones on the stage.

You went to every last performance of me and listened to every last song until the end, right? Even that is something absolutely special about you. You always gave me a chance even when my songs sucked. I know they did sometimes and so did you. Thank you for always helping me out.

X X X

I love all the good and the bad times with you...

After all those arguments, you simply accepted my apologies again and again.

And the day you broke your arm because you saved me from being crushed by that truck and his drunken driver… I don't know how I whimpered, how I cried, begging you to forgive me… and you simply smiled and said "It's alright, it wasn't your fault" and "You're more worth than my whole life"

X X X

I love you so much…

I can't believe I'm at your funeral…

I slump to the ground but I can't hear myself crying "Zexion!"

Some people help me up and unable to calm me down, take me away from here… from you… what once was you…

X X X

Why did you have to say it? It's the only reason I'm still here. If I'm more worth than your life then I can't dare to die… but... when the loss of you is so unbearable then how much worse could my own death possibly be?

... You lied, right?

X X X

"Why? Why did you have to go, Zexion?" My cry remained unanswered...

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So... I promise the sad story is really over now...

Tissues anyone? Mine are already gone...

**Please review.**


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